i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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