so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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