there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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