Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
