It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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