I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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