We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
