I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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