2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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