C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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