are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
