Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
