can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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