the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
