Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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