His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
