my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
