is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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