I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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