Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You ruined the universe
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
