i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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