just come out here and I will go home with you...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
