is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
