can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
