piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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