Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Rumble strips road head = magical
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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