Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
