She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
