I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
