The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
