Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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