I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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