So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
