No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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