My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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