it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
