Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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