so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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