We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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