i jhust puked up my retainher.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
