That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
