just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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