Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
