I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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