Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
