yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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