Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
whose ass print is on the piano?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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