you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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