i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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