He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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