you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
