That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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